A letter to myself,

Art by Gamze Guckiran

If I could go back in time and write you a letter with all the advice I have acquired through out the years… i doubt you’d take your future self’s advice and make the mistakes that will teach me (your future self) all of this i’m about to spew back at you. i’m also confused now at what i just wrote… 

don’t think too much about what other people think of you… it’s hard and you’re still struggling with it now, but it’s a waste of time. make yourself happy, first… that’s the most important thing. don’t waste your time on a partner who cannot make up their mind about the relationship. yes, not everything is cut dry and black and white and there are definitely gray areas, but know this: you deserve someone who knows what they want when they are with you, they know they want you and the relationship and are willing to put forth the effort to maintain it. 

thank mom and dad more, you will learn to appreciate every single sacrifice they have made to provide everything for you because of their unconditional love… thank them. be honest with yourself and don’t settle… FOR ANYTHING. stop questioning and doubting yourself so much, you are more strong willed and able than a lot of people and you will get to where you want to go even though it seems as if you are not making any progress. communicate! i know your assertive side is less prominent and you are always scared of speaking your mind for fear of upsetting someone else, but nothing gets done if you don’t communicate effectively with the people around you. it will definitely save you many drawn out arguments that are compiled of smaller things that could have been easily resolved with some communication. 

don’t run back, just don’t. you have the habit of running back to the former someone because you want to try and you can’t give up. sometimes, things happen and there is a reason they left. don’t run back because they’ll take you for granted. to add to that, it ended for a reason… not because of something you did or what you could’ve done more or what you didn’t do, because God knows how much you give in a relationship; it ended because it needed to. don’t take anything for granted, because you know that things change so quickly and that we are so fortunate that you cannot take any small thing for granted.

don’t let someone tell you that you are not able to do something or not worthy of something; show them that they’re wrong. yes, take the criticism and improve upon yourself but you know yourself better than anyone and listening to what other people have to say about you is a waste of your time. you become a strong and independent womon, one who isn’t afraid to step over the boundaries and someone who isn’t afraid to speak up if you’re not receiving what you deserve. stop doubting yourself so much… you can do this. you’ve done this. you’re here and you’re growing even more and learning so much more. you are a strong, independent, beautiful and confident person who has your own set of morals, goals, charm and characteristics that are great. 

also, second chances are ok. third and more chances are not… sometimes you really have to walk away from something or someone. and it’s not that you are a failure or that you are giving up, it is just the circumstances and this is what needs to happen so you are happy. you deserve to be happy, on your own terms. please remember that you cannot change someone... no matter how much you try or think that they care about you, the only way a person can change is if they choose to change for themselves. 

to myself, you will be ok. you’ll grow out of that awkward stage and embrace your self confidence. when i said you'll grow out of your awkward stage, what i mean to say is that you will embrace that part of your personality and learn that this is just who you are. you may be a bit derpy but it adds to your charm that a lot of people enjoy. you don’t have to be liked by everyone, only the people that matter (and the people that matter, you’ll figure that out). you’re learning, every single day. you’ll be ok. 

from,
myself.